Words are just words until a certain combination is used and your life is instantly changed and turned upside down. Regardless of your age, the phrase “I think we need to break up” knocks you into of the most heart wrenching situations you could ever be in. The thing about breakups is everyone goes through them, but to truly get over those melodramatic feelings, the negative energy needs to be channeled into positive energy. Which is such a cliche thing to say that is much easier said than done. Personally my breakup led to lots of negative energy with all the random flashbacks I would get from triggers that came from my daily routine which was suddenly absent of my significant other. Like most people do after a breakup, I turned to my friends for advice-- hounding them with questions on what methods they used to get over getting broken up with. BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU-- being broken up with versus being the person doing the heart breaking are two completely different sensations. Sadly, all I got was surface level advice such as binge eating and partying -- which we all know would just be a temporary fix that would only backfire in the end. I realized I needed to do research and take it upon myself to find healthy ways to get over my heart break and pass that knowledge to my fellow peers.
The first step of my research began with me turning to the professionals of TedXTalk to hear their thoughts on heartbreak since they have given me so much meaningful advice on various aspects of my life.( For those that don’t know what TedXTalks are-- they are influential videos from expert speakers of various subject matters). My search didn’t take long and I would say out of the 5 videos I forced myself to watch, 2 of them really stuck out to me so much I applied their advice right away and not only did it help me but my heart broken best friends as well.
The first one, called “ How to Fix a Broken Heart” by Guy Watch, which with its cliche title might turn you off - actually provided the most valuable advice that was applicable right away. He begins with an example of a break up obsessed girl who was obsessed with finding out when the relationship began to sour and who believed she would get closure once that origin was pinpointed. In his talk, Watch explains it is completely futile since, “there is no breakup explanation that is going to feel satisfying-- you have to accept it’s over otherwise your mind will feed on hope.” His advice made me realize I was holding on to false hope. He stresses that by reminding us we need to stop idolizing our exes and write a list of things we were just tolerating about that person.
The second video that resonated with me is called “Searching for Love to Escape Ourselves” by Hayley Quinn. The speaker uses her own experience to explain the distractions love provides us from fixing ourselves, which she learned from losing someone she loved and realizing that all she had at the end of the day was truly just herself. She explains when we begin dating someone, we have a tendency to go home put our head on our pillow and not think about our needs, our wants, our past and all the stuff that’s probably stopping us from being happy because we are not bothering to take the time to fix it. What tends to happen post break up is that we hop back into the dating scene right away and are yet again entrapped by somebody else who can distract us and take up our energy. Her advice is valuable because it reiterates all the cliche phrases we are bombarded with post break up in a unique fashion that highlights the importance of self reflection time to truly get to know yourself. Self reflection time is important to individual development because it helps one understand what ones enjoys to do with their time and talents.
The videos in combination with great friend-dates helped me to get over my ex. However, if you are anything like me, hearing the phrase “getting over an ex” sounds almost meaningless because there is no definitive explanation for what that entails. I will say though that Guy Watches’ video helped me to face the reality check I needed about letting go. Hayley Quinn’s video also helped me to understand that happiness should be internal and can only really be achieved when we invest time in ourselves. After soaking all these great talks in and applying them, I can finally say anytime I get a random text from my ex that excitement I once felt is completely gone..and more importantly I no longer feel the need to send him memes.