If you came here either to help yourself or for your friend (and I mean ACTUALLY for your friend), you will find help. Whether to apply these tips ultimately will come down to you as a person! Not every day will you have the same motivation as tomorrow or even that one day from a week ago, your body and mind are not a machine! Your brain’s chemicals will be thrown out of balance without you knowing and these tips will bring external aid to them, not fix (balance) them. Be easy on yourself because sometimes, only time and certain growth periods (depending on your life events) will be a time where you will find the motivation to grow and change. These are tips according to the average topics that revolve around depression in general and seasonal depression.
Here are tips for dating, friendships, and your most important relationship…you and yourself.
courtesy of @forsofthearts on instagram
TIP #1 DATING:
Instead of worrying about whether or not they like you, worry about if you really even like them!
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what the other person thinks because we crave that validation from another person, which in reality is our ego taking control of your thought process rather than your logic. Do not fool yourselves!
TIP #2 DATING AND FRIENDSHIPS:
Set clear boundaries.
To be quite frank, people will only do to you what you allow. Now, this is a very confusing statement so to be clear, I will give 2 examples.
Example 1: Sally tells Henry she’d like him to drive her to her appointment. Being kind and considerate, Henry agrees even though he had other priorities. For the next 3-4 times, Sally has an appointment, she asks that he drive. Henry agrees because it would be problematic to tell Sally that he has other things to do or just blatantly tell her “no”.
Example 2: Sally tells Henry she’d like him to drive her to her appointment. Being kind and considerate, Henry agrees especially because he had free time. The next time Sally asks him to drive her to her appointment, Henry had already made commitments prior to meeting his friend he hadn’t seen in a while. Though he can easily push forward, he instead tells her, “I am sorry, but I can’t drive you, I made commitments prior to your asking.” Now, Sally understands and respects him a lot more because he set a boundary with her which communicates to Sally that all of Henry is not for Sally.
TIP #3 DATING, FRIENDSHIPS, AND FOR YOURSELF:
Stop trying to be perfect.
“Perfect” is not realistic. Many will say, “Well, I am not looking to be a perfect human, but I’d like to be the perfect image of myself in my head,” while depending on how realistic and achievable that image is. It is healthier for you to envision a goal of who you want to become instead of an unrealistic idea/image. Tying this into friendships and relationships, many people are also not captivated by the idea of a “perfect” friend/partner. The reason being you ask? A “perfect” person is not relatable! People want to be around someone who has both flaws and strengths, which strengthens bonds because vulnerability is created.
TIP #4 YOURSELF:
Happiness is where you are and who you are today.
No amount of time will (automatically) add happiness without any self-reflection and self-growth. Adding a relationship will not add happiness - temporary infatuation should not be confused with happiness and/or love. If with all the abundances you have today, you are not content nor happy, then adding more people and things of value will not automatically add happiness. As mentioned in the beginning, it all starts with you and the amount of motivation you have to want to change.
TIP #5 YOURSELF:
It is not wrong to take a rest. And not for an hour, but for a day or two.
The system has conditioned us to believe that if we are not constantly working/producing labor, even if it doesn’t benefit anyone, we are failing or falling behind. We have to get rid of this mindset because it is all a hoax. Being productive does not equal success and listening to your body when it’s tired and unable to produce labor does not equal failure. Of course, there are times where you cannot control what you do with your time, but with the little time, you do have left, be selfish, and spend it with yourself! You come before anyone else, no one is more important than you. If there isn’t you, then there is nothing else.
These are all applicable pieces of advice, but some still may not be able to apply these to their lives and that is where you have to step back and realize your worth and re-evaluate to see if certain things and people are worth your time. Removing yourself is oftentimes the best upgrade you can give yourself. Take each piece of advice as it applies!