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© PULP MAGAZINE | 2019

Can You Forgive?

We have all had a disagreement with somebody, that has then turned into an argument. You have probably had your feeling hurt before, beyond repair where it seems like forgiveness or an apology won't even make you feel better. We can have a dispute with just about anyone, but the ones that hurt the most are with the ones with people you're closer to. There is even a feeling of resentment or even remorse after an altercation has happened. Perhaps even an uneasy or uncomfortable feeling when they are around us.


Forgiveness means to forgive of course, but it also means to let go of what happened in the past. Of course, forgiving and even more so asking for forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. We live in a society where doing either, is seen as weakness and as lowering your standards. But why must it be that way? Being able to forgive is a big step in living a more peaceful life. There are many ways in which you can forgive and let go of the past, some methods don't even involve face-to-face interactions.


Unconditional Forgiveness.

This method of forgiveness is all about starting fresh and reconciling the relationship you had with the person you had a dispute with, without any conditions. You can call it the “Forgive and Forget It Ever happened” method of forgiveness. This makes you resume back to the established relationship you had with the person before. In this method, both parties push their egos and feelings aside.

A second method is a Conditional Forgiveness.

With this type of forgiveness, there are some conditions that the offender or both individuals are given in order for there to be any amending in the pre-existing relationship. Think of this method as “Maintenance” in your relationship, and voicing what both people want you to stop or start doing in your relationship. Maybe you didn't like that your friend was doing something behind your back, and you have to tell her/him to stop doing it or you will walk out of their lives.

The last type of forgiveness I want to discuss is Dismissive Forgiveness, this method is about letting the ache or an argument or problem be a “Whatever”. I like to think of this forgiveness as “It is What it is”. With this method of forgiveness, both parties apologize or you can confront someone about the way they made you feel. The outcome with this method is that either you end the kinship you had with the other individual or you keep it at a distance and you move on with your life in a positive way. This is probably the most popular type of forgiving method for most people. You can also do this on your own without the other person present. Just forget what they said and don't let it drag you down but you are still free to keep your distance.

As life continues we all develop all sorts of relationships with people. It is part of life; not all friendships or intimate relationships will be perfect, in fact, none are. That's why it is important to learn how to forgive and most importantly let go of the past that has hurt you, or to even forgive yourself for the way you have hurt others. Learn to both apologize and to accept an apology. It doesn't mean that you will rekindle the previous relationship and that it will be the same as before. It means that you will have peace with yourself and with that other person. You will feel refreshed knowing that you don't have that feeling of being hurt or remorse gnawing at you anymore.




Sources

https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/how-to-master-the-4-types-of-forgiveness-fiff/


https://medium.com/lady-vivra/how-to-forgive-ad822beb4cfe